my vag is so smooth its legendary
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
