well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
