The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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