Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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