I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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