You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
