I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
