i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
