I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
