He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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