I am in a vortex of obligation.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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