I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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