just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
