Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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