He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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