Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
