so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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