she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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