you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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