Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
