just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
