I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
