Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
