Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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