I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize