It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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