i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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