I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His nipple licking is glorious
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