i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She told me I should be a condom model.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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