Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
