and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
