My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
