The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
