god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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