I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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