They should really pass out barf bags in church
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
