just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
