Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
