I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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