Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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