I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
