Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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