whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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