that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
