ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
