I wish life had little blips of pornography
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
