In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i now understand why vodka
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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