fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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