ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
