There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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