well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
