sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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