And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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