She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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