I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
