we have officially lost it.
My first STD was from a foam party
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
