the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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