thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize