If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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