i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
