So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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