Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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