just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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